Once I took my dragon on a walk

Once I took my dragon on a walk.
We went around the entire block.
We came upon a harpy, who's talons went clack-clack.
My dragon chose to eat her, as a little snack.
We turned left at the corner, and there we met a mourner.
So saddened by the visit of a banshee.
My dragon spat a bit of flame, and made the banshee accept the blame.
We continued down the road, and met a very ugly toad.
My dragon gave it just one look.
That was all it took.
The toad hasn't been seen since.
And neither has the prince.
Our walk ended by the lake, when my dragon complained of a bellyache.
After much hacking, the harpy emerged clacking.
And my dragon and I watched her fly away.

To give your cat a bath

1. Because you want to be clawed to death.
2. Because the cat ate all of your bacon.
3. Because it walked through wet paint.
4. Because the toddler styled its fur with mushed peas.
5. Because your friend dared you to.
6. Because the cat rolled in dirt.
7. Because the dog slobbered all over the cat.
8. Because a clean cat is a happy cat. (At least after it dries.)
9. Because a tongue just isn't able to get rid of all that tree sap.
10. Because your cat is weird and likes water.

The star operator

Astro was afraid of the dark.
Which was kind of a bad thing, since he was a star.
Well, technically a star operator.
He'd taken the job because it sounded like a great gig. Spend a couple of months controlling a sphere in space, and get a ton of cash in exchange.
He'd expected to get the chance to catch up on shows. Maybe get a hobby.
He didn't expect to spend those months in the dark.
They didn't tell him that the control panel only lit up when the star required maintenance.
He spent the first day trying to figure out how to turn on the lights.
On the second day, he tried to turn the star around.
The third day, the a button on the panel lit. Astro clung to the light for as long as he could.
But the light began to fade.
Frantic, Astro pushed the button.
The light vanished, and another button lit.
And so the days went.
Whenever the panel lit, Astro had only a few moments before it would dim. When the maintenance was complete, he was thrown back into darkness.
On the cycle went, with each instance of light being far too short.
Astro lost track of the days, trapped there in the dark.
Something in the air most have provided nourishment, for he didn't remember eating.
All that mattered were those moments when the control panel lit.
The light hurt.
But it was better than the darkness.
Suffocating darkness.
It altered everything. His thoughts, his memories. Time itself seemed meaningless in the dark.
How much time had passed?
A week?
A month?
Years?
He didn't know.
He only wanted the light of the control panel to return.
When would it come back?

Uses for mind control

1. So that you can have an army of frogs that actually listen to your commands.
2. Because how else does a little girl get her big brother to play dolls with her?
3. Because it can explain why a character is acting unusual.
4. So that you won't feel embarrassed when dancing like a chicken.
5. Because mind control is a valued skill for any villain.
6. So that you will give the dog your food. He obviously needs it more than you.
7. Because how else can you be sure that your friends really like you?
8. So that your audience doesn't leave before the story is finished.
9. Because otherwise cats wouldn't get the adoration that they believe they deserve.
10. Why else would you swing a pocket watch back and forth in front of someone?

Prince Phillip and the jackalope

Once upon a time, there was a prince named Phillip.
Phillip was a happy boy, always eager to ride his horse around the castle. His father had only one rule when it came to Phillip's riding: never go into the forest.
For behind the castle was a huge forest, where all kinds of not too friendly creatures lived.
Each day while Phillip was out riding, he would pause at the fork in the path that led to the forest.
He would look toward the forest, at the wildflowers that grew at its edge.
Then he would remember his father's rule, and take the left path back toward the castle.
In the middle of March, on a bright, sunny day, Phillip and his father had a fight.
Angry, Phillip stormed out of the castle. He leaped onto his horse and galloped out the gate.
His horse charged down the path, hooves kicking up dirt.
When he came to the fork, Phillip didn't remember his father's rule.
Down the right path his horse went, toward the forest.
The wildflowers at the edge were soon left behind, and the forest grew darker and darker.
Something darted in front of Phillip's horse, and the creature reared.
Phillip fell, and his horse ran.
Alone, Phillip got to his feet and looked around.
The forest didn't look very nice. Not like the wildflowers.
Phillip started walking down the path, though he didn't know if it was toward the castle or deeper into the forest.
After a while, Phillip saw something ahead on the path.
It was a yellow rabbit, with horns on its head.
As Phillip got closer, the rabbit looked up.
"Oh great, a human boy." The rabbit said, a note of disdain in its high voice.
"You can talk!" Phillip couldn't believe it. A talking rabbit!
The rabbit shook its head, eyes narrowing in a glare. "Of course I can. All jackalopes can."
The jackalope turned to hop off the path, and Phillip's heart pounded.
"Wait, don't go!" Phillip cried, and the jackalope paused.
"What?"
"Can you help me get home?" Phillip asked. The jackalope tapped its foot on the ground, and studied Phillip.
"Why should I help you? Helping a human could get me eaten."
"Please?"
The jackalope gave a great sigh. "Fine, silly human. Come on."
With that, the jackalope darted into the trees.
Phillip chased after the jackalope, scrambling to keep it in sight.
On they ran, with the jackalope always on the verge of getting out of Phillip's view.
Finally, the jackalope stopped at the base of a small mound.
Phillip looked around. Nothing looked familiar. He wasn't even sure which way the path was anymore!
"Where are we?" Phillip asked.
The jackalope looked up at him. "The home of Theresa the jackalope, and of her pet: the human boy."
The jackalope gave one thump of its foot, and the ground beneath Phillip opened.
Phillip fell into the burrow below, and the after Theresa the jackalope jumped down, hole snapped closed like a mouth.
And though Phillip's father and all his knights searched the forest, Prince Phillip was never seen again.

Things that make me happy

1. My family. Sometimes we may annoy one another, but I wouldn't trade my family for any other.
2. Good books. A good book that stays with you long after you've finished it is a great friend, one which I hope everyone can find.
3. French bread and apple juice. Because yummy food can brighten almost any day.
4. Tatting. Having a craft that you understand how to do is a wonderful feeling, especially when you've grown up around crafty people. I love being able to tat bookmarks and other things that I can then give as gifts to people.
5. Being able to breathe through my nose. That may seem kind of silly, but for most of my life I couldn't breathe very well through my nose. So being able to easily breathe through my nose is amazing, and makes me very happy.
6. A good night's sleep. Sleep is important, and sometimes you don't remember that until experiencing a poor night of sleep.
7. Water. Water is vital to life, and I'm grateful to have access to clean water.
8. Medicine. Being able to get medicine that helps to relieve your aches and fight whatever illness you may be suffering from is a wonderful gift.
9. Animals. Having the love of an animal can help to turn a bad day into a better one.
10. Having time to think. Time is expensive, but being able to take some of it to focus on the thoughts you've had that day can help you to better understand yourself.

Apples and oranges

In the battle between apples and oranges, there can be only one victor.
The apples laud their ability to ward off doctors, while oranges mock all who dare attempt to rhyme with them.
Both find frequently grace the breakfast table with their deliciousness, and squeeze themselves into juice boxes as well.
In many ways, the two foes appear evenly matched.
But in this battle, the victor is neither the apple nor the orange.
It is you, the one who consumed them.