Friday, February 16, 2018

Scary Magic Users


1. Goldfish. With their memory, even the most simple of spells could spell disaster.
2. Cats. They know what they want, they know who could stop them, and they know how to hold a grudge.
3. Mice. No food would be safe with mouse magic nearby.
4. Weeds. With a magical immunity to pesticides, your garden would soon become host to a nightmarish invasion.
5. Sharks. Because so many spells would improve the range of their hunting abilities.
6. Spiders. What if they could literally lure you into their webs?
7. Rabbits. With a bit of magic, they could rule the world.
8. Dogs. There is a reason they're known as "man's best friend", but no one said it was a none-magical one.
9. Zebras. They already know how to blend in amongst their own kind, so what would stop them from using magic to blend in with us?
10. Chickens. Now you know why so many foods seem to "taste like chicken".

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Our Human


It was the dog's job to worry.
"When will our human be back?"
"What if she forgot about us?"
"Could the mailman have gotten her?"
"Did she get lost? Who will give belly rubs and treats if she's lost?"
Every day, the same anxious questions spilled from the dog's muzzle within a minute of our human closing the front door.
And she wonders why I seem irritated by the time she gets home.
Still, the dog often makes our human laugh, and so he may stay in my home.
Even if he did get his slobber all over my catnip mouse.
Yes, it is the dog's job to worry.
Mine is to remind our human that my favor is not handed out to merely anyone.
The dog certainly hasn't done anything to receive it.
And with how low the sun has gotten, our human won't be receiving it tonight.
She always returns before sunset.
That is the rule.
Oh, she may leave again after she has changed her furs and groomed her long head-fur, but then it is to be expected that she will be gone until the later in the night.
Even then, it is the dog's job to worry.
But today, I wonder why she has not returned.
Could it be because of that other-human, the one who brought dying plants and spicy-boxed-food?
The dog likes the other-human, who wrestles for the rope-toy with him while our human laughs.
I am withholding judgment on the other-human until I know what his plans are for our human.
After all, the other-human cannot be allowed to disrupt my plans.
So today I wait, and the dog worries.
Finally, our human returns.
The dog's worries vanish in a blink, transforming into a disgusting spew of relief.
"You're back! You remember me! The mailman didn't get you! You weren't lost! Did you bring treats? Can we play? Then get belly rubs?"
The dog made a fool of himself, yet again.
I did not resort to foolishness.
No, I chose instead to glare at the reason our human was late.
The other-human.
There he stood, with more dead plants. The other-human positively reeked of happiness and relief, and his gaze never left our human.
She reeked of happiness as well, and kept playing with some shiny-thing on the long-toe of one of her forepaws.
Oh, this was not going to end well. Not with both our human and the other-human reeking so.
The dog was oblivious, his worries gone at the sight of our human and with the distraction of the other-human.
But now I worried.
For our human would change soon. Change as all creatures seemed to after finding a mate.
My plans must change as well, since the other-human would be nearly impossible to get rid of now.

Friday, February 9, 2018

Toppings for Toast


1. Butter. A classic that most people love.
2. Jam. For when you desire something fruity with your rye.
3. Cinnamon. It isn't just for rolls anymore.
4. Peanut butter. To add a nutty crunch.
5. Eggs. Put them between two slices of toast, and you've got a sandwich.
6. Bacon. Because everything is better with bacon.
7. Chocolate. Who says toast can't be covered in delicious dark chocolate?
8. Lemon curd. It'll add a tang to your toast.
9. Country gravy. Because sometimes you run out of biscuits before running out of gravy.
10. Cheese. A bit of cheese helps make any meal tastier.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

While Wearing a Hat


A hat is a wonderful thing.
It keeps the sun from making your eyes sting.
A hat helps keep your head dry in the rain.
And a hat can keep your hair out of your eyes while you're trying to aim.
Hat come in many forms.
Top hats, ball caps, fedoras, and even some you wear with a uniform.
Some hats are tiny, stylish, and fun.
While others are graceful and commanding, just daring to be outdone.
But no matter the hat, there is one thing to you must know:
While wearing a hat, you are the star of the show.

Friday, February 2, 2018

Tasty Food


1. Horchata.
2. A double-double from In-N-Out.
3. Chili-cheese french fries.
4. Pizza with pepperoni, black olives, bacon, and feta cheese.
5. Grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup.
6. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
7. Spaghetti carbonara.
8. Orange juice.
9. Dark chocolate covered pretzels.
10. Roasted broccoli.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

If I Were


If I were a turtle, I'd live in a box.
And on every third Tuesday, I'd have tea with the fox.
If I were a bird, then I'd live by the sword.
Throughout the countless battles, I'd never get bored.
If I were a fish, I swim far and wide.
Gathering friends in a school, we'd map every tide.
If I were a dragon, my flames would burn bright.
None would ever question that you were my one true delight.
And if I'd been forgotten, left alone in old age.
Then perhaps one day I'd be remembered through the loving words I'd left written on the page.

Friday, January 26, 2018

For a Cardboard Box


1. It can become a cave for your cat.
2. Children can transform it into a rocket ship.
3. It can be a sled when it snows.
4. You can do potentially messy crafts on it, instead of on the fancy table from your great-aunt.
5. You can store books in it.
6. It can be a temporary transportation for your new pet rabbit.
7. You can use it as a frame when stiffening a doily.
8. It can become part of a Halloween costume.
9. You could use it to help organize supplies for a party.
10. It could be filled with candy.