A hero's apprentice

When on a quest, no hero wants to hear that "true love's kiss" is the answer.

Seriously, true love's kiss? That makes the quest impossible for everyone but the person's true love!

That is, unless the hero can trick themselves into believing the damsel is distress is their true love.

In order to do that, the hero needs to be either a genius or a complete fool.

Luckily, I'm neither of these.

Unluckily, I'm the trusty sidekick of "Caine Barret, a ruggedly handsome hero of no discernible threat", and yes, he really calls himself that.

As Caine pulled his white horse to a halt at the top of the hill to gaze down at the tower below, I had to admit that he fit the image of a ruggedly handsome hero. With light hair framing a sharp face, and a tall frame that could wrestle a lion, Caine certainly looked like a hero who could get things done.

What most people didn't realize though, was that Caine was dumber than a rock.

Not a very nice thing to say, I know. But it's true.

"Where's the dragon?" Caine asked as I pulled my mule to a halt.

"There is no dragon at this tower." I said as I studied the tower. "Lord Glind said the tower is protected by a sorceress."

Caine frowned and tapped the hilt of his sword. "That can't be right. Sleeping princesses in towers are supposed to be guarded by dragons."

I held back a sigh. "The princess isn't asleep. She's been turned into stone by the sorceress." Turning away from the tower, I tried to make my voice enthusiastic. "Only true love's kiss will break the spell."

Caine's face brightened. "My true love awaits below, in the clutches of a vile sorceress!" With a flick of the reins, the hero was off.

I followed at a slow pace, shaking my head. Caine thought anything that needed solved by true love's kiss was happening to his true love. It fit the strange fantasy that he lived in, with him as the hero who always saved the day.

It made jobs like this easier, since these curses didn't seem to care if both parties felt the same way about each other. As long as Caine thought he was the true love, he had the power to break the spell.

Unfortunately, he'd forgotten about the sorceress.

By the time I reached the base of the tower, Caine had already charged inside. Climbing up the dimly lit stairwell, I avoided the traps that Caine hadn't set off. Caine is really bad at avoiding traps, but he had fallen in a pond of invincibility as a child, and so couldn't be harmed by most things.

At the top of the tower, I found Caine frozen in the doorway. Magic.

Taking a cautious look around the immobile hero, I spotted the sorceress.

She looked irritated, but not especially malevolent as she waved her hand to disperse the black smoke that billowed around her. The princess Isabel was in a corner, with a cloak hanging off her outstretched hand.

"Heroes, always rushing in and ruining my potions. They're almost as bad as pestering princesses." The sorceress grumbled as she glared from Caine to the princess.

Straightening, I took a slow breath and stepped into the open. "Pardon my intrusion, esteemed sorceress." I swept into a low bow as the sorceress turned her attention to me. "Perhaps I might be of service?"

Squinting, the sorceress frowned. "What are you, the hero's apprentice?"

I gave a dejected sigh and nodded solemnly. "Alas, I owe him a life-debt. Regardless of my affiliation with the hero, I have a proposal that you might find intriguing." With a flourish, I offered the sorceress a violet stone. "From what I've surmised, the princess Isabel was the latest in a series of uninvited guests from Southtown."

The sorceress coughed and waved away more smoke. "They insist that I use my magic for them. Self-cleaning pots, love potions, combs to grow hair! Each demand was worse than the last." Moving away from the cauldron, the sorceress sat in a plush chair. "No manners! They simply barge in and start listing demands. They keep ruining my spells."

I shook my head and sighed. "Such disregard for decorum. I fear I must apologize once again for my companion." I glanced to Caine, and with a click of my tongue I lowered my head and shook it.

The sorceress regarded me. "You're much more polite than the others. Come sit and tell me, what is that stone?"

Taking a seat, I gazed at the violet stone. "Quite a useful thing, this stone causes whatever it is linked with to become invisible."

The sorceress leaned forward.

"Truly?"

"Yes, but it only works if freely given. Otherwise, it attracts the attention of any who come near it." Caine and I had gotten it along with some other treasure last month. Not seeing a use for a purple rock, Caine had given it to me.

The sorceress's eyes glinted. "Would you be interested in parting with such an item?"

I looked at the sorceress, then at the stone. I allowed a moment to pass, as if I was hesitant. "Perhaps, if I might receive safe passage from your domain for myself, the hero I serve, and for the princess Isabel."

The sorceress glanced at the stone princess and the frozen Caine. She let out a cackle of a laugh.

"You are far more clever than the hero, young apprentice." She recited something in a language I couldn't understand, then snapped her fingers. The princess and Caine disappeared. "They'll be waiting outside."

I dipped my head, and offered her the stone once more. "Then I give you this stone of my own free will. May unwanted guests no longer intrude upon your home."

The sorceress took the stone, then gave me a look. "You're far more interesting than the hero you serve." I shrugged, and she shook her head. "Go, depart in peace."

I left. When I finally stepped outside and looked back at the tower, it was gone.

"Neil!" Caine called. I turned and saw him standing next to the princess, who was no longer stone. "Where did you go? I charged into the sorceress's lair and the next thing I knew, I had gotten the princess outside and broke the spell!"

Offering a grin, I jogged over to them. "Another amazing rescue, sir."

The princess didn't even look at me, she was too busy swooning over Caine. "My hero." She said in a tinkling voice. "However did you save me?"

So with Caine atop his white horse and the princess riding my mule, Caine began the tale of how he had daringly stormed the tower and defeated the sorceress.

And as I trudged behind on foot, I was amazed yet again how a hero who was dumber then a rock could weave such a ridiculous tale of his own heroism and believe every word.